It’s 100 miles to Chicago. We’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.

Hit it.

As long as you say “think fast” you’re legally allowed to throw things at people.

Why yell and fight when you can just talk things out?

It is rain that makes flowers grow, not thunder.

I’m gonna end every argument with my children with “well I fucked your mom!”

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I pulled out a tissue and 5 came out. For a brief, terrifying moment I felt like a clown.

Nothing better than being taken home by the cops, while you’re drunk and trespassing, yet not in trouble.

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Who said you can’t “play” with your food?

Who said you can’t “play” with your food?

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